It’s May…how did it get to be May? And I am in the throes of trying to get the damned dissertation proposal done and as I watch my colleagues and friends defend and propose, I am a little hurt by my lack of being able to bring myself to that place where I, too can say i defended my proposal. I know I have it in me to do this thing and there are gestures to success and yet I wonder what holds me back to just plunge in completely and finish this monster off. I know my work is relevant and good and that it can inform the practice of recruitment of Black Male teachers and yet going through this process is painfully slow and excruciatingly both soul enriching and destroying. All I really want to do is eat chips and watch crappy tv, and lie on a beach and drink brightly colored alcoholic beverages…and teach have a teaching job at a university, doing teacher prep…oh yeah…that’s why I need this damned PhD in the first place. LOL. Silly me. FML.

But in reality, and in the grand schemes of things…my life is great – I changed from the EdD to PhD and am doing my language requirements soon in May, going home in June to my family and to the Soil from which I am…my kids are great – excelling in school and life…and I am evolving continually…at least more than satisfied with my life…ran my first half marathon in April 2014, following up with the Brooklyn Half in May…in a situationship that is being navigated and does indeed bring joy to my heart and soul because it stretches me…as a woman. So really all in all – really not bad at all…not at all.