Argh – What a year this has been – I didn’t even come to write…I spent the first 2 and a half months of the year alone…Husband stayed in COS to help out his mom who had developed a blood-clot in her leg and had limited mobility. And on March 3rd, the bottom of my world fell out…

My mama had a heart attack and died. I wasn’t ready. I’m still not. We went home to bury the matriarch. I miss her violently, even though she drove me crazy and was needy and overbearing and manipulative…she loved me unconditionally and our relationship had blossomed to a sunflower where we were open and honest with each other. If I am truthful, I shall be forever grateful that when she died we were in a great phase of our relationship – there were no harsh words, unkind thoughts or unsaid desires.

My dad came back with me and it was so hard to watch his grief while carrying mine. So very very hard. He stayed for two months and then in June I took him back home. It was hard to leave him but we knew he had to go.

In the time my dad was here, husband came home from COS and it seemed like we were learning to know each other again …and then I left to go home to SA for 3 weeks…argh …and despite all of that we have grown closer and I am so happy for all our possibilities. His family visits us and embraces me and my mother in law is a God send and enfolds me in love. I am supremely grateful.

Anyway, when I got back from SA I was informed that I had not gotten the HoD position I had applied for at my college. At first I was miffed, but not anymore – hindsight is 20/20 vision and now I’m not sorry and got a great review on my observation and my dean is in support of my tenure.

The boys are doing well and school is good- Joel got into the Sigma Phi Sigma Honors society and Tim has decided on Law school. I’m excited for and by them.

Thanksgiving was wonderful – just me and him, a delicious Turkey Day meal, lying about in PJ’s, watching TV and then a crazy trip to Macy’s. And he bought me an Apple Watch. And I love it.

As I am writing this we just heard the very sad news that Sean Robertson – History teacher extraordinaire -and mentor and support to the boys – has just passed away due to Cancer. I fucken hate it. I hate cancer and I hate death – way too many I knew were taken this year; my mom, Phaldie and now Sean…Can we please stop the deaths until next year??

And despite all of this, despite the emotional turmoil this year has been;

my academic career is flourishing. There are publications and possibilities…and husband and I are thriving and learning each other on deeper levels. There is joy and laughter and trust. I am grateful for my life. Perien always reminds me: “Die lewe wil geleef wees”.